Nearly 90 per cent of mothers feel guilty. Why? And How can we overcome this feeling?
First of all, let me reassure you that Mom Guilt is real and very intense. So intense that can consume us.
Mon Guilt is the feeling of doubt, anxiety, uncertainty, the idea of not being good enough or not being able to do enough.
Guilt is a painful feeling and underestimating it is dangerous.
When I think of my life before my children, it feels like another life! Or even another person’s life. I was focused on my personal and professional realization, on my life as a couple, my friends, my travels, my books and despite the daily difficulties I felt serene.
When I met my great love, I started to think about creating my own family, having children to love and raise. My life was full of love, and this love was so strong that I wanted to conceive a new life. So our twins arrived, the most intense joy of my life, the most absolute and unconditional love.
From that moment, however, my life has changed dramatically, probably I was not prepared; indeed, I was not ready to welcome two newborn babies at the same time! And it created a fracture, a very distinct boundary: my life before the children and my life after the children.
The Big Gap
My life has become immensely complicated, I couldn’t afford not to work, and so I stayed in the same company working full time. I started to juggle between family and career and discovered this new feeling: Mom Guilt. An overwhelming feeling!
At first, I hired a nanny for my children while I was at work, then as soon as they turned 15 months, we enrolled them in the nursery. My children in the care of other people and me in the office, I felt guilty!
My job as a project manager required a lot of mental energy and every hour I spent in the office, every task I did was always “tangled” with the thoughts of my children far from me. Will they have eaten? Will they have gone to sleep? Are they quiet? And at the same time, I was thinking, “This email is not accurate, this business plan is not effective”. And I felt guilty because I thought I wouldn’t give my best to work.
Thought eternally divided between work and children. I felt guilty about not doing my best in the office, and I felt guilty about not being a good mother.
I missed a school event because I was working, and I felt guilty. I lost a work meeting because my child was sick, and I felt guilty. I missed my son’s sports competition to meet a customer, and I felt guilty. The list is endless.
I was exhausted for years, drained. It took a lot of reflection and evaluation, but then I finally understood: I want to change my life! Because I want to be a happy mother and because I also want to work, I don’t want to give up my economic independence.
I discovered that many mothers quit their job because they could not overcome this feeling of guilt. According to Pew Research Center survey the number of moms who want to quit their full-time job is increasing, from 21 per cent to 32 per cent between 1997 and 2007, indicating that mommy guilt is getting the better of many American women.
The New Opportunity
I genuinely think that if you want to achieve your goals, you must prepare your mind to see the opportunities.
I always hear moms complaining about their job, because they spend so many hours away from family; and when they can finally are back from work, they have to take care of kids, house etc. etc. The feeling of being guilty is overwhelming and the “me-time” is equal to zero.
Tiredness, fatigue, unfulfillment, guilt, the idea that life has become a vicious circle, and that we need the weekend to rest and feel happy, or a holiday (and then another weekend and another holiday): these thoughts are our new addiction. Does it make sense?
If (or when) you can see that you have a problem, then you start taking actions to make a change. And so I did.
I thought that the only change that makes sense was changing the job. This is the main reason why we are suffering, after all: extended working hours, unfair environment, challenging people around us.
If our dream life and our actual life are not aligned, how can we be happy?
The only way out is getting ready to see the opportunity for a change. Learning, learning and investing in ourself. I think this is the only authentic way to live, and this is what I did. I invested in myself and started to learn and launched my business.
There are pros and cons, of course. Cons = you have to use every minute available of your time to learn; you have to work hard because it is not easy; you have to be ready to invest money in your education; you have to believe in what you do and don’t give up at the first problem.
Pros = you are finally free from the 9-to-5 working model; you are free from a toxic working place; you are free from unequal career options; you are free from an unfair wage (let’s talk about gender pay gap….); you are free to spend your time exactly how you decide to use it: with your kids, with your spouse, with your friend, with yourself! You are free to work when you want and from where you want; you are part of a community of people driven by the same values and goals; you can connect with like-minded persons who will inspire you, motivate you and help you. You can use your passion and turn it into a profit; you can grow as a person and find your happiness, your way, your identity. You can help other people to grow and discover their real, meaningful life; you can change this world a make it a better place for your kids. You can support your family and make money more sustainably. You can finally enjoy your dream life
Think about the vast potential you have inside you. You need to be aware of this and take the very first step out of that comfort but dangerous zone: Join Me.
Find the courage and book your Free Workshops Today to learn more.
PS: I know you want to give yourself a chance because after all, you know you deserve it; so don’t procrastinate and take your first step today! I can help you with this choice, just let it go.